The Best Christmas Present!

We had the best surprise today when Todd's doctor hand-delivered the pathology report. The report shows that there is NO SIGN OF CANCER in ANY of the 12 lymph nodes that were removed! PRAISE GOD TODD IS CANCER-FREE! Needless-to-say, there have been many tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving around here!

Todd has also made incredible strides in his recovery in the last 24 hours. He was able to have his epidural removed this morning and has made the transition to oral narcotics very smoothly. He is reasonably comfortable and was able to start eating! Jello and soup never tasted so good!

Todd has sucessfully completed all of the steps necessary for him to come home from the hospital. The doctor has given his okay, so Todd will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow and we'll be headed HOME!

We are so overwhelmed by God's goodness and grace! Todd still has a lot of recovery ahead of him, but this will indeed be one of the most memorable and poignant Christmas's we've ever had.

Continued thanks to all who have supported us and prayed for us. Please join with us in praising God for his mercy and healing! Glory to Him!

-Jessica

No more "nose hose"!

Yep, Todd was able to have his NG (Nasal Gastric) Tube removed today! This was definitly a highlight for him because it means he'll be able to eat sooner. At this point he's only upgraded to ice chips, but maybe tomorrow he'll be able to start a liquid diet. He's a lot more comfortable without the NG tube and I think having it removed has really encouraged him.

Today was a good day overall. He was able to get more sleep last night and they seem to have found a balance between managing his pain and dealing with the accompanying itchiness. He is taking several walks a day and seems to be getting stronger every time.

The doctor came by today to remove his bandage and take a look at the incision. All I can say is "wow"... The 37 staples down his abdomen definitely look like a zipper. They'll take out the staples in another week or so.

Besides "jump starting" his digestive system again, the next big hurdle will be when he transitions from the epidural to oral narcotics. He can't go home until he's on the oral meds, able to eat and drink, and of course use the bathroom. So, we'll just keep taking baby steps each day. We still don't know when he'll be able to come home. It would be nice if it was Christmas Eve or Christmas, but it might be later.

The boys and I are doing well. I was able to take Noah to see Todd this morning. He did really well, even with all of the tubes, and Todd was very happy to see him. He especially thought it was fun to help me give Daddy a "bath" and managed to get water everywhere. I didn't take Conner to the hospital because he woke up at 3 am throwing up- poor little guy. The "bug" seems to have passed, but we could all use a full night's sleep.

Todd is seeming more open to seeing visitors if he continues to feel well. However, please call before in case something has changed. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers.

-Jessica

Ups and Downs

Hello Friends and Family,

Thank you for all of the calls and e-mails wishing us well. Today was kind of an up and down day for Todd. He is still doing well with his recovery and the doctors and nurses are taking excellent care of him. Unfortunately, he did not sleep well last night. The main issue is that his pain narcotics make him really itchy, so they're trying to find the balance between keeping his pain under control and making the itchiness tolerable. On the positive side, Todd is being a good patient and doing all of the exercises they want him to do. He took 3-4 walks today and continues to do the breathing exercises. He is eager to get his digestive track working again so he can EAT! (Poor guy is dreaming of all of the things he wants to eat!) Please continue to pray specifically that he will be comfortable and able to rest.

Regarding hospital visits... Today was a good lesson for all of us that we probably need to take things hour by hour. Todd was feeling really good this morning and was eager to see visitors, but by 2:00 he was really uncomfortable and irritable and did not want to see people. The afternoon was pretty rough and it wasn't until about 8 pm that he started feeling comfortable again. I'm really praying he'll be able to sleep well tonight. So, for those of you that have mentioned dropping by, it would probably be best to call or text me directly to see how the morning/afternoon/evening is going at that moment. I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but it would not have been good for Todd to have a line-up of visitors this afternoon. There's just not way to know how he'll be feeling. Thanks for your flexibility and understanding.

- Jessica

Surgery Day

Today was Todd's major surgery, RPLND, to remove the lymph nodes in his lower abdomen. I'm so relieved to report that the surgery went very well and Todd is doing just fine.

The 24 hours before surgery were pretty rough as he had to do some major "bowel prep" and take several course of antibiotics (on an empty stomach.) When we got to the hosptial at 5:30 am they were able to give him some anti-nausea medication, a sedative, and eventually the epidural that will control his pain during his hospital stay. (I assured him he'd LOVE the epidural...he does. :))

The surgery lasted 6 hours! I was blessed to have my parents and my in-laws with me all day at the hospital. It was comforting to visit with them during the day. We finally got to see Todd this evening. He was alert and in no pain - praise God! The doctor said that the surgery went as planned with no complications (a major answer to prayer!)

Todd still has a lot of recovery ahead of him. Right now he has about 4 different tubes going in an out of his body, but most of them aren't causing him too much discomfort. His attitude is really positive and he's optimistic about his recovery. The doctor says if all goes well he will be out of the hosptial in 5 days - just in time for Christmas! The doctor says he needs to rest a lot and take it easy today, but by tomorrow they want him to start trying to get up and walk a little. I guess this is important for his lungs and circulation.

We're trying to keep hospital visitors to a minimum since the risk of infection is pretty high with this type of surgery (The incision is about a foot long...) But, we'd welcome your e-mails or calls. We really appreciate all of the support we've received. I'll try to update Todd's blog each night to let folks know how he's doing. Thank you for all of your prayers today and over the last two months!

- Jessica (on behalf of Todd)

Okay, now I know...

I got my results recently and they’re encouraging, but I still have one of three tumor markers that remains high. It’s the LDH which is by no means a definitive indicator of more cancer, but it is certainly a possibility and one that they check regularly in post-op bloodtests. Something about the lymphocytes, but to me that doesn’t make much sense, because the lymph fluid is totally not even part of the bloodstream…

My options are:
1) let the surgeon cut me open again
2) let the oncologist poison me with chemo (no, thanks!)
3) sit passively and go on a surveillance program (sounds risky to me)

I’m going for option 1.

Many of the case studies show a lot of men in their 30s who have had the orchiectomy surgery and chose no further treatment and the cancer stayed with them and metastasized again within the ordinary 2-3 year recurrence window…IN fact, some of the men who had the same cancer, embroynal carcinoma, showed clean lymph nodes after the RPLND surgery but yet still had recurring cancer…sheesh…

I’d rather just do what I can now to put myself in that 98% category of no recurrence, so I’m scheduled for surgery next Tuesday Dec. 18th…it will be a real beast, to put it lightly…Many of the case studies show men who were laid flat in the hospital for 4-8 days, they couldn’t breath well or move much due to pain, and they were given a morphine button (cool!). Once out, they recuperated at home for between 4 and 7 weeks following the surgery. Walking was apparently the biggest challenge but also the best factor in speeding recovery. I thank God that He is the Healer and I believe all the medical advances of the modern era have been allowed by His plan…bring on the vicodin…I’ve always said one of my goals in life is to live to age 100…maybe this will be one of my only major hurdles toward that goal… J

This is a really tough decision for me, given how much it turns my own family and household upside down, not to mention my job too. But deciding to do nothing and just have regular CT scans and blood tests for three years just seems to be passive and I’d rather trust God’s hand with the surgeon…chemotherapy is an option, also, but I would rather do surgery since it is typically the 2nd step in the comprehensive treatment process, whereas chemo is not need unless they find another tumor, which is always just a guessing game...by that point, they can give me as much chemo as I need and still usually get the cure…I guess I would just rather go through it all now since I have such a great support network, I can use my sick leave and put it all behind me as much as possible…

Bottom line: Hebrews 13:8

Thanks again for everything you all have done and will do as I get through this rough time.

Hurry Up and Slow Down!

Okay, I know the title is definitely an oxymoron. I used it because perhaps the most striking thing God has been pointing out to me during this time of uncertainty with cancer is that my lifestyle is too hurried. Too hurried to allow much time for any connections with Christ. Even while lately I've been resting more, and spending perhaps too much time in my leather easy chair, I have noticed that it is my mind that needs renewing; my thoughts that need redirecting. This life I lead is temporal, and full of distractions. Yet, it is crucial that I live it fully, embracing every moment as a way to give glory back to Him.

Still no definitive answer

Hey everyone--
My bloodwork reveals that two of the three indicative tumor markers are still abnormally high, but the good news is that in the four weeks since my surgery, those levels have dropped considerably. So, they want me to wait a week to do more lab tests, the rationale is to get the most accurate reading. Even levels that are "slightly high" would be bad news, because that means the cancer is still there and will eventually cause more trouble.

So, for now, we wait another week...patience is a virtue, right?

I am confident that in His wisdom God does not give us any trial that we cannot endure when we draw our strength from Him!

The Waiting Game

Anybody for a long, protracted round of the Waiting Game? Anyone? I thought not! Few of us enjoy testing our patience when it means waiting for important news in our life. It comes in the form of fun, exciting news, such as the likely gender of a babe in utero; it comes in the form of difficult, stressful news, such as what I am facing with cancer.

For now, I will choose to wait for news with hopeful optimism, as modeled in Romans 8"for I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Another surgery!?

Dear family and friends:
After my follow-up appointment late last week, it appears that I will need another surgery to wipe the cancer out completely. However, if the tumor markers in my bloodstream remain high, they will want me to begin chemotherapy instead of surgery.

I am grateful to our Lord for His hand of guidance in all of this, and if being cancer-free requires another surgery, then so be it. If I have to endure chemo, then fine. Thankfully, embryonal carcinoma, when it develops in the testicles, is rarely fatal and is usually cured in the long run (although it does recur in many patients). It has a history of spreading very quickly in men, heading north via the lymphatic system toward the liver, lungs, and brain. There is no way of knowing whether or not my lymph nodes are carrying the cancer unless they are removed and dissected.

The surgery is called an RPLND, or retriperitoneal lymphnode dissection. It is major surgery, taking 3-4 hours on the table, and 4-8 days of recovery in the hospital. It involves cutting the patient open from sternum to groin, and carefully removing the clusters of lymph nodes that are located in front of the spine, behind the kidneys, along the vena cava and aorta, etc.

This surgery, if it happens, will most likely not be for a few weeks. We have to wait for my bloodwork until at least two more weeks, which is the timeframe for the tumor markers to typically normalize. Again, if they are not normal, I will skip surgery and head straight to chemotherapy. If they are normal, then surgery.

Recent Pics

"Say what, doc?"

Last week I learned that I have testicular cancer. After several weeks of knowing that I had some sort of a mass that wasn't normal, I went to see my doctor. He made no doubt about his concern, and asked me to get an ultrasound right away. Within 72 hours, I was in the OR waiting for surgery, dreading what every man dreads when he learns what the SOPs are for this type of cancer...

But, six days later, here I sit...waiting for the pathology reports to determine what type of cancerous cells were found in the tumor. I only know that most men with TC face either a second round of surgery to remove affected lymph nodes, or a couple of rounds of chemotherapy, sometimes both. Perhaps I'll escape with just the damage done so far after the first surgery...

To any guys out there, if you're reading this, go to www.checkemlads.org, and start checkin' 'em monthly!

On a lighter note, my family and friends have been amazing lately through this. The love and support of my wife, immediate family ,close friends, etc., has been overwhelming. I can't really use any words for how profound it is to know that God's blessings are evident in tangible acts of human kindness and compassion.

On a still lighter note, check out how quickly our two boys are growing! They are a ton of fun and I thank God daily for the privilege of raising them!

What's worse...?

This post is for the students in the youth group that might decide to follow up on my offer to extend their search on the topic of the night...

What's worse: dying for something you believe in and finding out you were wrong, or dying without believing in anything?

Post your comments below...

Thirstier Than Ever

Well, a full year has passed since I launched this blog. Pathetic, I know! But, I've been idle at blogging for all the right reasons. I'm busy with my life as a new dad, now that my wife and I have welcomed our second child into the world. It's AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL, and more vivid than the first time around, which felt very much like I was in some weird family-friendly, tame, joyful episode of the Twilight Zone. I'm also very busy with my job as a high school teacher, with the various volunteer roles that I have at my church, and with all the general stuff that life throws at normal people like myself. Suffice it to say that I don't have time to sit around at my Pavilion desktop and wax philosophic about much of anything!

I'll sort through some recent pictures and get those posted here soon. I'm horrible at organizing and sorting digital photos/video clips. I just let the software do all the work and pick out the good ones.....

The biggest surprise of my life lately, worth posting here for all the world to see, would be the variety of ways in which having two kids is so much more hectic than having one. (What else can be expected, right?) But, I'll take the frenzied pace of our home any day. It helps us to seek out times of quiet and solitude to balance it all...In fact, that's a good segway that brings me to my title for this blog, "Thirstier Than Ever". I grabbed that from somewhere in my conscience simply because of the fact that lately, in my spiritual walk, I have been hungrier for the things of Christ than ever before. All it takes is a little peace and quiet in my own living room, either by myself, with my wife, or with the boys, and I get reminded of His incredible love and the blessings He has given me. I am learning through experience that there is no better way to be a stronger husband, a better dad, or a more effective teacher, than to spend time in fellowship and prayer with Jesus!

Who am I? I'm a husband and a father...

I'm doing a few brief "Who am I?" posts, figuring that there might actually be a few people who are strangers who view my blog. This one follows up the random motorcycle post that showed pictures of one of my close buddies attempting to ride a street bike. Hah!

As I experiment with learning how to put posts up quickly and effectively, I'm trying to figure out a few of the techniques related to images and captions...so, bear with me...

Above I tried to post a picture two pictures.

The first, in the upper left, is my wife and I, taken on my 30th birthday at Dessert Noir restaurant. We went out with some friends to celebrate the beginning 10 more years of youthfulness! When I hit 40, I doubt there will be any pictures of me smiling. I'll be a depressed lump of discouragement, sitting on my couch, watching the Blazers lose...but that's in the future...

The second picture my wife and my son Noah. To date, this is my absolute favorite picture of them, because it is a candid shot taken on a mild, windy, summer afternoon over in Cannon Beach. It's a classic Oregon-coast picture and I love the fact that Jessica is right in the middle of laughing and talking (she says that makes the picture look bad...I respond by saying that's the beauty of candid pictures...I also like the fact that Noah was actually looking at me when I snapped the picture)...

First Posting! Dated 011206 (revised 012806)

Well, let me just start my first post by claiming that I have no purpose greater for these blogs than taking the gospel of Christ that has changed my life so dramatically through the years and communicating that to friends near and far through the Web. It is much better, of course, to hold such conversations in person...but we all know that isn't always possible in today's society!

On a lighter note, I'd love to discuss the upcoming World Cup that will take place this summer...only the soccer fans will want to venture into such talk!

On another note, but a heavier one: I'd also love to participate in some conversations about the condition of the traditional family unit in America today. I'm saddened by the lack of nuclear families in my own city and across the cultural landscape. I believe we're in trouble as a society, because of fatherlessness, and because our families are quietly disintegrating...I also believe that the Bible has much to say about how to restore wholeness to the family...I am so thankful for that guidance that comes from the Lord of all creation...


A crusty old author and an acquaintance from my days in Seattle can have the credit for inspiring me to finally get started with my own blog; so thanks, Newbigin; thanks, Drew.

--Todd